The Truth
by Songfic Misstress
Summary: Risa Hawkeye is dosed with Sodium Pentathol, aka truth serum. Lots of song fragments, very funny. Whatch how Risa deals with Roy's new girl... truthfully. my first chap fic R&R Sequal Now up: The Truth Two
1. one day

**The Truth**

**Also known as:**

_**Sodium Pentathol**_

**A/N:** Just FYI, I do not own anything, no FMA, and none of the many songs mentioned in here. I do own the idea of using Sodium Pentathol as a pivotal plot device though, so please don't steal it. (Oh, and this fanfic does not commend use of Sodium Pentathol as a recreational drug. Please use it only under guide of a physician, and no, it won't do what's outlined here, it is a serious drug that causes brain damage, so please do not take it) Just so ya know; all the words in _italics _are lyrics. Some are from popular songs, others…not so much. I've got Pussycat Dolls, Greenday, and Avril Lavigne here, and Justin Timberlake, just to name a few, along with lots I just don't know (just listening to the radio, and it doesn't always say what the name or artist of the song is  ), and own absolutely none of them. Thank you, please R&R. :D i luv my fans!

"'Once every few years, a higher up in Central must be dosed with a shot of Sodium Pentathol, more commonly known as 'Truth serum'. Not only does this cause great laughs for the lower downs; but also all spies and conspirators are obviously rooted out. The drug is administered by someone of slightly higher rank, who is responsible for supervision of that person until all affects have faded. There must also be someone of even lower rank supervising both of these individuals, to guard against possible conspirators. Due to obvious schedule conflictions, civilians may be present at any point during this procedure.'" Havoc grinned, "In other words, Colonel, you've got to spend a day with Hawkeye when she's tripping out on truth stuff. I get to watch, and you still can balance that date with the flower girl, who I'm sure wouldn't mind watching you work, but would be very hurt if you were to cancel ANOTHER date with her." He casually snapped the military manual in his hands shut.

"So? what's the worst that could happen? We'll do it tomorrow…"


	2. tommorow

**TOMORROW**

"This won't hurt a bit Risa." Calmly soothed Roy, as he gently inserted the needle of Sodium Pentathol into her arm, "There, any minute you'll be singing like a bird about anything that you don't want us to know."

"If I do that… I'll shoot you, and her, and him." She muttered, gesturing to the flower girl and Havoc in turn.

"Nope, sorry, 'there are to be no firearms on the drugged individual until all residual effects of the medication have vanished' so…yoink." Havoc deftly grabbed Risa's pistol from its hip holster.

"Noooooo!" wailed Risa pitifully, reaching for her gun weakly "Not my itsy bitsy baby!"

Roy smiled "Itsy bitsy baby?"

"Yes sir, sir, colonel bastard" Risa agreed grinning, just a little lopsidedly, "And you know what, what?"

"Hold that thought Risa…" The colonel looked concernedly over at Havoc. "What's with her repeating her words?"

"Side effect, only for females. Guys on it don't have that same side effect, for some reason. Guy's equilibrium goes off, making us stumble." Havoc answered, not even looking up from the flower girl's (modest) bust. " and we can't count worth a damn."

"HEY, HEY LISTEN TO ME!! _Hey, hey, you, you I don't like your girlfriend"_ Risa yelled, pointing at the flower girl, "_No way, no way, I think you need a new one_"

Roy shifted uncomfortably, trying to ignore Havoc's huge grin.

"She's just telling the truth Sir…"

"And what is wrong with me?!" asked the girl indignantly, "What is your problem?!"

"You're not me, so he could be doing a lot, lot, lot better, bee-etch" Giggled Risa "I've always wanted to say that word! Oh, and you…" Risa grabbed Roy by the collar and brought him _real _close, despite the protests of the girlfriend, "_hey, hey, you, you, I could be your girlfriend, hey, hey, you, you I know that you like me, _Don't you Roy?"

Roy blushed in silence.

"Well? Do you like her Roy? Answer her! I…" The girl stomped her foot in rage.

"Careful pretty one, watch your perfect foot. Listen, if Roy won't take care of you, I always will." Havoc casually slipped an arm around her waist. "Do just don't worry about this, okay?"

"I want to know! Roy, do you like her?! What about us? What about the promises you made…" She squirmed away from Havoc, turning to face him "And you, stop stalking me! I'm with Roy…I think…"

Before Roy could answer, he was cut off on another ramble from Hawkeye. She had let him go, and had been edging closer and closer to the girlfriend. She now started poking her in the lower ribs, and peering into her eyes. "Roy, Roy? _Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don't cha wish your Girlfriend was a freak like me? _Can she even shoot a gun?"

"Ummm no, she can't shoot a gun…" Roy now looked over his girlfriend with a critical eye, "no, shooting a gun is one of the things she can't do…"

"And what about what I CAN do you unbelievable ass?!" Yelled the probably soon to be ex-girlfriend.

Now Risa got up in the girls face. _"Anything you can do, I can do better, I can do anything better than you."_

"_No, you can't."_

"_Yes, I can"_

"_No, you can't."_

"_Yes, I can." _

"_No, you can't"  
_

"_Yes, I can, Yes, I can!"  
_

"Ladies, ladies, obviously the only way to settle this is to have an unrealistic, likely illegal, competition to find out who is better. First Prize: Roy Mustang. Second Prize: Me."

"No way am I fighting just to keep my boyfriend! Roy, just tell this bimbette to take a hike! You do love me right?"

Off in a corner, Risa was whispering under her breath "_I just can't keep you out of my head, your loving is all I think about, can't get you out of my head… lalalalalalalalalalala"_

"I do believe that for the benefit of the military, Miss. Hawkeye should undergo some tests while drugged, just humor her for a while, okay?" Roy answered with his eyes on the ground. "Havoc? For something like this, does Risa get her gun back?"

At the mention of her gun, Risa broke a smile (no, literally, it shattered and had to be swept up and glued back on) "Itsy Bitsy Baby?! Do I get her back? Havoc Babe, be a dear and, and, gimme her back, pweeeeze?!" Risa battered her eyelashes seductively, waiting for an answer. "_This is the song that never ends; it just goes on and on…"_

"Well, I suppose if we really took care to look there would be a loophole in here anyway, like 'firearms may be returned before the drug is out of system so that the individual may defend their honor and gain a mate', or some other impossible thing…"

"Page forty-eight," Replied Roy smugly. "I didn't know you had that book so thoroughly memorized Havoc; I just remember that one quote and another about heartbreak…"

"Y-you mean that that is a real passage from it? Well then… here you go Risa; your 'itsy bitsy baby' is restored to you."

"_Some people started singing it- _Yay! My, my baby!" Risa hugged her gun and danced in a little circle. "What do I get to shoot first?"

"Ummm, I can't shoot a gun, remember? How is this going to be a competition?"

"Hmmm, let's see. How about we start with a simple destruction task? Risa gets her gun, and you get your pruning shears (which I happen to have on me, don't ask) and you each get to destroy a random car. Whoever does a more thorough job after a several hours wins this round."

**_who will win? tune in next time!_**


	3. several hours later

SEVERAL HOURS LATER

"Okay ladies, time to put down your weapons and let the judges review the damage." Havoc and Roy reviewed The Flower girl's work first. The tires were flat, all the windows broken, the paint had jagged tears in it, and all wires and tubes were cut. Overall, the Porsche was ruined. Yes, the Porsche. Roy was in tears at the waste of such a valuable car. Which was deducted from his paycheck, wouldn't you know it.

"You've probably won this round," Stated Havoc between sobs, "But we still have to look at the damage that Risa has done."

Where a bright pink Porsche had once stood, there was now a pile of fine dust in the middle of a jagged crater. Both males went pale and stared, open jawed, at the remarkably thorough job the drugged Risa had done.

Roy took Risa by the shoulders "What have you done?!"

Risa smiled sadistically _"I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up four-wheel drive, carved my name into his leather seats; I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights…_ I really, really, didn't like the, the, colour of that car. What do I get to do now, my little love monkey?"

Roy blushed, but didn't object to being called Risa's 'little love monkey', "That's up to Havoc. Be happy, you won the first round. I don't think that I've ever seen a better display of brute force."

"_When are you finally going to see that you aren't gonna get any better? You won't won't wont, you won't get anything ever. Like it or not even though she's a lot like me we're not the same And yeah yeah yeah I'm a lot to handle; you don't know trouble I'm a hell of a scandal. Me, I'm a scene, I'm a drama queen, I'm the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen."_

Havoc had to try his best not to laugh at the idea of Risa Hawkeye being a scandal, and commenced in announcing the next round. "We will now have an 'insult off', ladies. Now, no mommy dissing, and no physical violence, okay? Just start the catty remarks when you're ready; and the most acidic with words after five minutes wins."

"_I would never wish bad things, but I don't wish you well_" Risa started rather tamely.

"Right back at you, you skanky bimbette"

The guys winced at the sharp insult.

"Me? Skank? Do, do you own a mirror? _I don't know you but I think I __**hate **__you…maybe it's just jealousy mixing up with a __**violent**__ mind…_You're the one who goes door to door offering the goods…" Risa tilted her head and narrowed her eyes "too, too bad it looks like they're not, worth, worth buying."

The Judges swallowed guffaws at the calmly stated _truthful _remark.

"Why you little bitch!! Like you would know how to flaunt what you've got if your life depended on it. Don't try to pass off your JEALOUSY as criticism."

"Oh, wow, wow," Risa took out the pin keeping her hair in the military bun, letting her honey colored, wavy locks brush her shoulders, and unbuttoned the first few buttons of her blouse. "This is coming from what, an A-cup?_ My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and, their like, it's better than yours; damn right, it's better than yours._"

The Flower girl could barely contain her rage, and her inarticulate, strangled scream was cut off by the ringing of a bell. "Round two, Risa wins, there is no point having a round three, as Risa has won both thus far." Havoc grinned at the flower girl. "So, you and me, Friday night? I don't care what she said; I think you look gorgeous."

"No! Wait; what is the third round, I might be able to win on points, or something. I might be able to get him back, please, lets keep going."

Havoc's face fell (no, literally, it hit the ground and got dirty and everything) as he realized he was being rejected… again. Nevertheless, he put on his best face (yeah… I think you can guess) and proceeded to describe the pointlessness of continuing. "It was a best two out of three deal, there is no way you can win, and the author is getting tired, so just accept it, okay? Besides, the next round was one where you would both have to seduce Roy, and I doubt you want to see Risa whoop your ass at doing that as well. Just… go and take your skanktacular body with you. There is no point for you to be here."

"But, honeybunches; do you really like her more than me? Are you really going to dump me for her?" The girl was ignoring Havoc and focusing only on Roy.

"After seeing what you do to a Porsche, and how low you can get verbally, I think it's better if we try to do this as friendlily as possible. She has proved more worthy of being attached to the future Führer than you are, it's not a personal thing. It's not you it's me, let's just be friends, you deserve better, we're not meant to be, insert another cheesy breakup line here " A giant sweat drop dripped down his face as he braced himself for a barrage of lowlife insults.

"You… you…" She turned up her nose, "You don't deserve me… I'll be going now." She turned on her heel, then turned again, to face Havoc "And if I find you stalking me again, I will call the police, you got that?!"

Havoc nodded sadly. He looked at Roy with despair in his eyes, putting another cigarette in his mouth.

"Go home Havoc, there is obviously no conspiracy here. Besides, page eighty-seven clearly states that the additional supervisor that is of lower rank may leave at any time provided there is proof of impending heartbreak, remember?" Mustang said sympathetically, snapping a light for Havoc's habit.

Risa clapped her hands as Roy created fire, and started quietly droning, _"Ain't no othe man, can stand up next to you. Ain't no other man, on the planet, does what you do. You're the kind of guy a girl finds: you've got the moves, you've got soul, you've got class, you've got style, shake your bad ass. Ain't no other man but you, ain't no other man but you…"_

"Thanks man, I owe ya. I'll be back in the morning, on the market and out for the hunt… right now I just need a little low time. See ya…" He blew a mouthful of smoke in Risa's direction. "You two have fun."

"_Girls just wanna have fun! We just wanna; we just wanna_._"_

The door closed behind the chuckling loser. Risa leapt into Roy's arms like cat, her sudden weight making him stagger. "What will, will we do now, my new lover?" She whispered in his ear. "_Who'd have thought you'd be my one desire? I can't wait to fall in love, with you; you can't wait to fall in love with me; this can't be summer love, you'll see"_

"Well, you'll be getting off me before I fall over, for starters. Then I might freak out a little… we might take a break to eat some pawky and ramen… freak out a little more… watch some anime, read a manga or two… what do you think?" Roy tried to shake off the giant sweat drop, and ignore the blush, that was going across his face as he put her down.

"What ever you, you want… just remember, _Dirty babe, you see these shackles baby I'm your slave… I'll let you whip me if I misbehave…it's just that no one makes me feel this way…" _Roy set her down and took a few steps back before she could get too close to his fly. "We aren't gonna get, get all hanky panky, are we Roy." Risa dropped her head disappointedly.

"No, we aren't, I'm not going to take advantage of you being drugged to assert my manliness, I will not use you just for my pleasure, and ...yeah insert noble and respectful decline here. " (we all know he just didn't want to hear brutally blunt truth about how he was in bed, right? ;)

**_A/N: Alone, how long will Roy be able to refuse Riza? Tune in to the next chater to find out!_**


	4. much stuff later

MUCH PAWKY, RAMEN, ANIME, & MANGA LATER

(Give or take a few freak outs where Roy narrowly avoided seduction)

Risa was winning yet another game of DDR when she suddenly collapsed. Roy freaked out once again, this time out of concern, not fear of his and Risa's virtue. He couldn't bring himself to slap her cheeks in hopes of making her come to, but opted for burning a small section of his sleeve under her nose. Unfortunately, he didn't take his coat before doing this, making not the smell, but Roy's girlish screams of panic and pain as he tried to put out the fire that was raging along his arm bring Risa back to consciousness.

"I have a headache… Ouch, what's happened? I… ugh" Risa's head fell as she dazed in and out of consciousness. "Did I get hammered or what? I feel like I have the mother of all hangovers. Roy? Are you there? Is that your girlfriend screaming?"

"Ouch, no ummm no ones screaming (sweat drop) I'm the only one here, how ya doing? Do you remember… you know…what happened?" He nonchalantly brushed ash off what remained of his sleeve.

Risa bolted upright, looking at Roy's clothes askew, and her own dolled up appearance. "OH MY GOD!! Did I sleep with you! Oh no, oh no, oh my friggin' god I didn't, I-I I couldn't have." She looked up at Roy with terror open in her eyes. "Did we… did I … did you?" her words were lost in a mess of hyperventilation.

"No… it repulses you that much?" Roy looked away.

"N-no, it's not that…I want to remember it, if it… if we…" Risa blushed, looking away; painfully unaware of the hours she had just spent trying to get in Roy's pants. "Why is my hair down? Ugh, my blouse… the top buttons…" Risa stopped her critique of her own appearance, and started singing softly under her breath. "_What are you doing to me? I'm so into you. And the hardest part is knowing that I'll never follow through, it's slowly killing me and I wish it wasn't true 'cause I'm so into you…"_

Roy snapped back to face her "What did you just say?"

"I… I really like you Roy. I shouldn't be telling you this, you have a girlfriend, I need to accept that and move on… Why do you have to have a girlfriend?! Why can't you even give me a chance?!" The poor woman was nearly in tears, unaware of what she had made known in her drugged state, and expecting rejection.

"You're right, I do have a girlfriend" Roy crossed the distance between them in a second, enveloping Risa in a crushing embrace and pinning her upon lips a long kiss. "Her name is Risa Hawkeye; she won my heart fair and square this afternoon. I dumped the other girl for you, Risa"

"You… and me? Together? When did this happen? Why was I not informed?" Risa asked playfully "So… what did I do to rid you of that clingy bitch of a girl you had before?"

"Well, now that you ask… I have the entire time you were under the influence of Sodium Pentathol on tape; just for back up in courts should you be a spy and such. Which, by the way, you aren't, you're all clear. Do you want to pop some popcorn so we can watch it together? I won't mind if 'itsy bitsy baby' tags along."

Risa glared at the use of her gun's nickname, then grinned. "It's a date"

The End

(Tune in next time to see what happens when Ed is accidentally drugged with Sodium Pentathol … in Resembool?)


End file.
